just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
