You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
