When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
