he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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