Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this beer tastes like vomit already
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
