So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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