There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
porn star boner night. come get it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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