That's intense
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
