Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
