I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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