I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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