what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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