Plan B is the new Plan A
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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