Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
