how can u be prego again
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
