when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
