I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't notice because vodka
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
