my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
