I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
