my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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