there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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