The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
