That's intense
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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