the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
