I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
