whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
