Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
