Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
