A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
