I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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