If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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