The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
