This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
