It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
