if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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