the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
