he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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