do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
