Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize