i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did I show you my penis last night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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