the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
