I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
