the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
