I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
