You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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