Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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