i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
