Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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