Is it because I queefed?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
