2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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