So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
where does the pee come out of this thing
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
