I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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