What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
