Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
