i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
