Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
