I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
