just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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