I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
