Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
