it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
