I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
