I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize