I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
