every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
