did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
