I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Barsexuality is the new black.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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