help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
