Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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