We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
