she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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