There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
