By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
