my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
